MR.NICE : washin my hands of dirt for the truth underneath my skin is filthy

( setting )
dark room with an enlighten mind ;; my ears soak in adele 's soft lyrics ( song : forgive me first love )

start :
as her lyrics painted this picture
i once knew
this picture was you

. . .your are the right one as i am soo wrong.

how do i began to pick up your heart
i would love to sew it back together but i dnt think you can bare the needle of tongue and the thread of my tears. . .im soo sorry mr.nice for you have loved me as i am and i was.

you were your brothers keeper but i kept him as well . .our old love began to crave for a new kiss but i instead
bit into that forbidden fruit that has forever burned my taste buds. . .never again will i taste the sweetness of you . . .

i know now never to ask for your hand
but forgive me
because i have learned to wash my hands
i know i never treated you with respect
but you still took me as tainted as i was
myy dirty hands and all
how dare do i grab your heart
and stain it with my filth
but forgive me
please mr.nice
i learned to wash my hands
my hands of dirt for the truth underneath my skin is filthy.
forgive me mr.nice
you were too kind . . . . .ily goodbye



7 31 09

for some odd reason my cousin decided she wanted to the cornroll look so i began braidin her as we watched the wackness starting josh peck ( the fat one from the show drake&josh ). to my surprise he lost alot of weight and is a very good actor. after a few laughs from the movie we contined to channel check until we fell upon mtv jams. my heart dropped because a video was on that made me have a few flash backs. majority of u know about a year ago in was in a relationship with a younger male. " i fell in love with a bumble bee " - erykah badu sings in her 07 single honey. that was his ring tone and for the longest i couldnt even listen to the song without going into a rage of some sort. id rather not go into detail about our relationship and what went wrong but for some reason its just on replay in my mind. dnt get me wrong im no hoe but out of all the men i been with this one seemed to stick on my brain like my stayfree pad in my underwear. ive been told because i grew so much in that relationship ,, whether the case is i was rejected. yessss me lil ole . . . sense twitter is my outlet for almost every sick random thought i twittered something about rejection . . .and one of my favorite followers ( www.twitter.com/RealP0LiTiK) was in shock that someone would reject me . . . .i didnt understand ? whats makes me different from other pple . . .why is it unbelieveable that i cnt get rejected. . .i would hope not my looks because im not the fairest one of em all . . .(im pretty hott tho). my bestfriend devin also chitt chatted to me about rejection and how she was scared of it . . .

why are pple scared of it ??

we get rejected all the time . . . so whats the difference if a guy or girl tells us no ?

i think rejection makes u stronger. i mean of course rejection knocks you down but its nothing a lil glue called time cant fix. . .if u gather yourself after being rejected you will be soo strong and u will also develop a process to get over the next rejection ( sorry u cnt avoid it ). . .this brings me back to my ex. i love that he rejected me because not only did it made me look at myself as a person but it also made me realize if something is goin to reject you for your imperfections they trully dnt understand that imperfections only led to perfection. . .shall we meet again tomorrow ??


as i find myself bored fast fowarding through a porn scene by jazmine cash ,, by the way pinky head game has nuttin on her sry =( ,, i realized i really havent blogged since april =( . . .i know i know . . .it isnt my fault tho i promise ive been soo busy with work and skoo and on top of that my cuzzin took her laptop. Buuuuttt thanx to tmobile i have this wonderful blogger app on my g1 !! Yay right ? Lol so every night imma be getting my rev run on with a passage b4 sleep minus the tub lol . . .
(turns off porn to music choice channel to hear twista's " wetter " oooh that song turns me on) . .so ive totally gone crazy over twitter ,, yes yes yall lol ( twitter.com/dollfcekilla) i have retired from aim and moved to twitter. Deleted my facebook and myspace as well. Plus i can be waayyy more random on twitter just ask my followers they think im crazy lol !! But back to the important stuff. . .(whats been going on with you ppeeee)

Weeeeeeeeelll ( really deep sigh ) . . .so much !! As u know i had my 20th birthday (may 14th). . .it was pretty cool. . Um i got really close to a green eyed hottie but just as the rest of all good things it came to an end. Goossshhh he was soo bomb. ( biting my lip FOCUS PEJAI ). My circle of frieends has been decreasing swiftly lol. . .i have changed my number to keep pple away lol ( this one guy i slipped up and started talkin too smh ) any ways . . .i spent my 4th of july in new orleans for the essence festival. Id have to say it was the best time of my life. . .i hardly remember details because my mother and i were totally wasted the whole trip !! OH,, i seen solange perform( geee i love her ) . Um nutting is really too too new OHHH SNAP ,, i got my clit pierced. . Ladies getting it done isnt as bad as u think. . .i got turned on by the pain lol now i find myself never wearing underwear. . .its by far one of the best things that has ever happened to me lol. . .i got my nipps as well ,, now that shit aint coo lol umm if u want it really think it out it fuckin hurts like hell ! But its sooo damn cute lol. . .what else ?? Oh besides the fact pple are sooo fake !! I have gotten closer to my long lost sister keiana aka dottie. . .and i actually plan a road trip to la with her devin and talika for labor day weekend. . .now its time for the random ramble. . .i tend to get things out better rambling its my virtual way of brainstormin . . .ok
Im so ready for summer to be over. My ex boyfriend has had his tongue in strippers pussies =/. The new true blood season is hott. I almost had sex in a club bathroom ( wink ). I twitt 2 much. I fell outta love with soulja boy. I have cutt back on partyin ALOT. Maxwells cd is the shit. I relapsed(porn). I am becoming more comfortable in my skin. I need to really pray more and thank god. My psp is broke. FREE MUSTARD. I figured out my next tatts just cnt find time to get em. The shade of green on my nails has changed. i realized i never been in love b4. Silence is golden. I have really great friends( the ones i do have ). Im on my brand new bullshit and nobody likes it . . .goodnight ,, shall we meet again 2morrow ?